Losing a loved one isn’t easy at any age— however, when you’re a child, it’s an entirely new concept. As such, it’s up to parents to help them navigate this confusing revelation that someone they love is gone forever. The definitiveness of death can be overwhelming for a child, which is why it’s important to break the news in a way they can understand.
To help you, here are some of the best tips for talking about death with your young child.
Choose the Right Moment
You never know how your child is going to react to the news, so it’s important that you choose the right setting. In other words, you probably don’t want to tell them their loved one died right as they’re about to go to school or attend a friend’s birthday party. Ideally, it should be in a place where they are free to react without being self-conscious of how they will be perceived by others.
It can be very unsettling for them if they have to be focused afterward, so ideally, make it a time when you’re relaxed at home, and it’s not too close to bedtime. It’s going to take a little time to digest the information, so choosing a moment with as few distractions or external pressures as possible is ideal.
Use Age-Appropriate Words
It’s important that you use words that your child will understand. Using overly complicated terminology may go beyond their level of understanding and have the opposite result of what you hope to achieve.
You don’t want to bombard them with fancy language or concepts but rather explain to them that your loved one has passed away, and they won’t be seeing them again. For some families, this may involve an explanation of the afterlife, while for others, it will be much more simplified.
Whatever you do, be honest and avoid using euphemisms like “they’ve gone to the sky” or “they’ve gone to sleep.” Be concrete and specific that they are no longer coming back. It can be painful to explain, but it’s necessary for them to understand the concept of passing away.
Show Them Vulnerability
Even though you may want to put on a brave face, it’s critical that you show them your vulnerability. After all, how can you expect them to externalize their grieving if they don’t see you leading by example? Sharing your feelings and reactions about the loss is exhibiting healthy emotional behavior for your child. Remember, the more permission you give them to be open with their feelings, the more quickly they’ll move through the grieving process toward healing.
Ultimately, the more permission you give them to be open with their feelings, the faster they’ll move through the grieving process toward healing.
