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Things to consider before you get divorced

Someone wise once wrote a song that went something like this: “Love. Love changes everything.” Then there were some other lyrics that no-one remembers.

However, in among those knowingly-crafted lines (by Andrew Lloyd-Webber? I think, and popularly performed by Michael Ball? I could be wrong) were some on-the-nose observations about the much sung about oxytocin induced state of love, in which we humans seek to be engulfed by our passions for someone else in a relationship we think will outlast time itself (until we get unceremoniously dumped in a text message, way before our brains have decided the oxytocin hormone will stop being released – which is when we succumb to heartbreak case of the lovesick blues). 

Timing in these things is crucial – being the first to want to leave the relationship is by far the way to go. Being the one left standing in the rain holding flowers and wondering what happened is… well, it’s not ideal. 

When it comes to married couples wanting to separate, things become a little more complicated than the good ole days of simply asking your best friend to tell your partner’s best friend that you’ve changed your mind and can arrangements be made for the handover of your zip-hoodie at their earliest convenience. Things  may become more complicated still if the law has previously been involved – for example, see “does a domestic violence arrest affect a child custody or divorce case?

Let’s take a look at things to consider before getting divorced.

You’ll want to speak to a lawyer

As much as you may believe that your soon-to-be ex is reasonable and convivial to a fault, you’d be dead wrong when it comes to divorce. You’re literally about to attempt to take away half of their money, possessions, wealth, properties, vehicles, time with children … everything. You’re hovering over their life with a sharpened cleaver, about to cut the things they hold dear right down the middle. You think they’re going to be happy about that? No, they’re not – speak to a lawyer. 

You might want the world on a silver platter, but don’t ask for it

Entering into aggressive divorce negotiations is stressful for all involved – including the children where applicable. Be reasonable in your divorce and your partner may be reasonable in return. Be ruthless and you’ll see the kind of grit and determination to derail your plans and stand their ground that you may never have seen in your partner before.

That’s OK, you might think, I will win eventually. Right? Well, perhaps. But think of the ongoing litigation costs. Getting things sorted as fast as possible is financially prudent. 

And as a last tip… avoid updating social media with malicious words regarding your divorce case. The courts do not appreciate such things, and it may go against you.

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