A few weeks ago you may remember my post about my partner of 6 years breaking my heart and cheatng, leaving me for someone else. This happened over 3 weeks ago and by now you would think I should be feeling a little better but sadly I’m not.
Every day it’s the same I wake up get the kids ready. Look in the mirror and feel ugly, fat and totally worthless I feel this way because he left for someone else meaning I wasn’t good enough and she was. I feel alone like I have nobody. Sure I have my kids and I love them more than anything but I wake up alone and at night I am alone. The silence is a killer. The waiting for a message is awful.
You see I live far from my family and friends and I have never really been close to my family. I had his family who I could go see who live close by and although they tell me they are there for me and I believe them, it’s just not the same so I feel like I have lost my family too.
I just don’t feel like I can get through this. I even join dating sites but the moment anyone asks me to meet, I back off in fear. I don’t trust anyone anymore, how can I? I just think they will do the same and how can I possibly meet anyone new feeling this way.
He doesn’t understand what he has done because he went and met someone and it’s me who has to sit day after day, night after night feeling alone, ugly, fat, worthless, stupid and all the other awful things I am whilst trying to put on a brave face and not cry in front of my children.
I have lost everything. I have no job, no family. I feel like I am letting my children down too. They see me upset sometimes and ask what’s wrong but how can I explain that to them? So I just smile and say nothing.
One of the worst things is what we went through and losing a daughter at just 10 hours old. All those memories now destroyed. I can’t even face visiting the cemetery now because I can’t face going alone.
I hope this awful feeling goes one day but at the moment it feels like it never will and no one will ever love me again because I’ll be too untrusting and push them away.
So once again apologies for my rant but this is also the reason why I haven’t been posting as much as I did before.
#heartbroken! And don’t know what to do!